Things to do	Method/ Notes	Tools	Idiot Rating
Eat a 1 pound block of cheese	A great love of cheese is essential. Any cheese will do, but if your attempting something like stilton, get a bucket.	1 block of cheese a healthy appetite	5
Legally adopt each other	Go down the adoption agency (in a pair) and find out if one of you can legally adopt the other. If you can actually adopt each other, double points.	2 people of similar age an adoption agency the ability to keep a straight face (it's a very serious matter)	9
Replace all furniture with furniture made from beer cans	In the living room. Furniture includes: sofa, chairs, footstools, coffee/tv tables etc. Imagine if George Best and Oliver Reed had invented Ikea.	lots of beer willingness to drink lots of beer some form of adhesive	8
Play 'Dick or Ball'	Works best while sat watching TV with others. Face your desired participant and ask them "dick or ball?" if they answer "dick" show them a portion of your dick. Similarly, if they reply "ball", show them a portion of ball. This can be done at completely random intervals as needed.	some people a dick at least one ball	2
Go out pickling people	Whilst walking about out side, preferably in a busy area, as someone passes by shout at high volume, "PICKLES", (pronounced pick-uwls) right in their ear. Continue to walk on as though nothing has happened. Again this must be done randomly at whoever tickles your fancy.	a good shouting voice	3
Wear nothing but army clothes for a week	Obviously if you work then that's an excuse, but at ALL other times; down the pub, out in town, fancy resturaunts etc. Maybe throw in a few army moves, like rolling corners instead of turning them, marching instead of walking and telling people to "move out" and to "pull yourself together son". Of course this is optional.	army clothes boots a gun (if you can get hold of one) grenades	6
Bean ball	Can be played with 2 or 4 players. Position yourselves at opposite ends of a table, one with their chin resting on the table top, mouth ajar. The other one positions a single bean on the table, takes aim, and fires. In the mouth is a goal. In the eye is hilarious.	a can of beans a table	2
Have a marigold duel	It helps to be really drunk for this one. Stand opposite each other, one with a rubber glove held right at the opening. Slap your opponent as hard as humanly possible round the face with the glove. Take turns until someone begins to cry and gives up like a small, frightened, little girl.	washing up gloves	4
Tickle a bearded man	This can be achieved anywhere. First, locate your bearded friend. Then, either by asking first, or just barefaced cheek; roll over and tickle his facial hair as if there where no tomorrow.	1 bearded man a respectable tickling technique	5
Make a 'cheese suprise'	Go down to your local shop and purchase a bar of chocolate, things like bountys and milkyways work best, and also a bar of normal chocolate (e.g. a dairy milk). Next retire to a safe place. Using a sharp knife or scalple, hollow a grove into the bottom of the bar leaving a mini grave shaped hole. Cut a peice of cheese the size of this hole and insert. Then melt a little chocolate and seal over the cheese, good as new. Now all thats left is to sneak it back onto the shelf at the shop, and imagine the face of the idiot that buys it.	chocolate bar cheese scalple a precise measuring device	3
Vegetable insurance	Supposedly you can insure anything, some people have even insured their nipples, but what about vegetables? Pick something good like a carrot or possibly even a swede. Take it down the insurance bureau and find out the age old question; "for what price can I insure a carrot kind sir?" Of course they may laugh at first but maybe the carrot has sentimental value, or is a family heirloom, either way dont leave without a price.	a vegetable good blagging skills	8
'Fairy' shots	Well it doesnt have to be fairy, it can be any kind of washing up liquid. Fairy is for the connoisseurs amongst us, if your an a budget go for bog standard Aldi grease shifter. Anyway the idea is to simply down a shot of washing up liquid. It would be do as many as possible, but after a couple you'll be feeling rather poorly. Ummm, soapy.	washing up liquid shot glasses something nice to drink when you stop coughing bubbles	6
Lighter baseball	Get someone to pitch to you and take your best swing. The trick is to try and not explode the lighter (must be disposable), If you miss completely then your shit and therefore out. Make sure the pitcher is at a safe distance (or gets the fuck out of the way). NOTE: This game is dangerous and should only be played by trained proffesionals. Big Penguin takes no responsibility for any misfortunes as a result of playing this game. Just because we told you how to play it doesnt mean you should...	Lots of disposable lighters a baseball bat	3
Rape peoples work	When someone is working on a computer and stupidly leaves it unattended, stealthily sneak over. Now insert some offensive words into the text at random intervals, such as; piss flaps, anal cavity, sausages, alan. Don't over-do it and make sure they are real words so the spell check dont catch 'em. That'll learn 'em, the hard working bastards.	someone foolishly trying to do some work stealth skills	3
Eat an onion	This is pretty self explanatary. It's not easy though, by three quarters in you wont ever want to see an onion again, thats for sure.	an onion	6
Pooh parties	Go to a party/on a night out dressed as the characters from Winnie the Pooh. Try and get them all, even the minor ones like Roo and that little mole guy. Make the person no one really likes go as Christopher Robin. The cunt.	costumes the ability to make costumes (you wont be able to rent them all)	2
Stare at the 'you are an idiot page'	I would really like to meet the genius that made this.   Go to www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/youare.php, make sure you've got the volume on your computer. Stare the page down until it gives up and disappears. Otherwise, until you put your fist through the screen.	The internet	1